Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
