I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
