if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize