i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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