i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
