You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
