i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
