What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
