It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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