my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
