So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They have beer where we have blood.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
