I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
