I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
