I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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