sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
