it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
