I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
cat food counts as protein by the way
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize