after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
