just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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