hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
