did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
