im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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