I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
