he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Someone signed my nipple.
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