You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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