No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pants are for mortals
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
