Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
