I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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