you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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