3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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