You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize