Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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