Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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