Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
