Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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