how can u be prego again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
