and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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