if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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