we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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