38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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