I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
