Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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