Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
