I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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