they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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