i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
