Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
