whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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