Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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