I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
