he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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