the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
