A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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