I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize