Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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