Ambien. No doubt about it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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