My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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