So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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