Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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