Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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