If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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