So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
