the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
