the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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