"it" just moved
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We left the knife in your bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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