wanna go halves on a baby?
one two three fourrrrnication!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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