how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
