we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
