all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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