Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
