but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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