So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
