I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
