Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
