Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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