i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
