pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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