the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
