If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i think my cat just said my name.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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