shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
