I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
