my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
