I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize