and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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