do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
