so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize