Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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