I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My ATM looks so different sober.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
