Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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