i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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