Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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