You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize