i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
