now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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