So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
