There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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