I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
