i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
