Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
