I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
