I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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