Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
