gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
