What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
