I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
