That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
