Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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