Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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